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What Should You Not Say During Divorce Mediation?
If you are going through a divorce in 2026, our Kane County family law attorney can help you understand what to expect and how to make the most of this process.
Illinois courts often require mediation when parents cannot agree on issues involving their children (750 ILCS 5/602.10). Divorce mediation in Illinois offers a way for couples to work through their separation without a court battle.
In mediation, a neutral third person called a "mediator" helps you and your spouse figure out important issues like dividing property, parenting time, and support payments. The mediator does not make decisions for you. Instead, they guide the conversation and help you both find solutions that work for your situation. This is a good thing because it gives you control over the outcome instead of leaving decisions up to a judge.
Preparing for Divorce Mediation in Illinois
Good preparation makes mediation go more smoothly. Before your first session, gather financial documents. These include pay stubs, tax returns, bank statements, retirement account information, and records of debts. If you own a house, bring recent mortgage statements. Having this information ready helps the mediator understand your situation.
Think about the things that are most important to you in your divorce before you start mediation. Make a list of these things and areas you might be able to compromise. If you have children, think about what parenting schedule would work best for your family. Consider school schedules, work hours, and activities. You do not need to have all the answers ready, but having a starting point helps.
Practice what you will do to stay calm if things get heated. Divorce is emotional, but mediation works best when you can focus on problem-solving. If you find yourself getting upset during a session, you can always ask for a short break.
Your Responsibilities During Divorce Mediation in Illinois
During mediation, you are responsible for staying focused on the issues that matter. The process works best when both people come prepared with clear goals and all their documents. You also need to come ready to listen to your spouse’s concerns and goals, and to try to work out a solution that benefits both of you. You may need to make compromises on some things.
Mediation is confidential. What you say during sessions cannot be used against you in court later, with exceptions for things like threats of violence. Remember that the mediator cannot give you legal advice or represent you. Because of this, many people work with their own lawyer outside of mediation.
Things You Should Not Do During Divorce Mediation
What you say and do during mediation can make or break the process. Avoiding certain behaviors helps keep discussions productive.
Do not bring up past hurts or blame.
Mediation is about finding solutions for the future, not rehashing everything that went wrong in your marriage. Instead of saying "You always forgot to pick up the kids" or "This is all your fault," focus on what you need going forward. Use statements like "I need a parenting schedule that works for both of us."
Do not make threats or give ultimatums.
Threatening your spouse or saying things like "Take it or leave it" shuts down negotiation. Mediation depends on both people being willing to find a middle ground. Instead, explain your concerns and be open to hearing your spouse's perspective.
Do not hide financial information.
Be honest about your income, assets, and debts. If your spouse finds out you hid money or property, they may take the issue to court.
Do not use your children as bargaining tools.
Your children should never be used to get what you want from your spouse. Saying things like "If you give me the house, you can see the kids more" is harmful and inappropriate. Mediation should focus on what is best for your children, not using them to win arguments.
Do not bring up irrelevant topics.
Stay focused on the issues that need resolving, like property division, parenting time, and support payments.
Do not agree to something just to end the process.
It can be tempting to agree to terms you do not like just to move on. However, the agreement you reach in mediation will affect your life for years. If you need to review something with your lawyer before agreeing, say so.
Do not let your emotions control the conversation.
Anger, sadness, and frustration are normal during divorce, but letting these emotions take over makes it hard to think clearly. If you feel yourself getting too upset, ask for a break. Remind yourself that the goal is to reach a fair agreement, not to win an argument.
Call a Kane County Divorce Attorney Today
Mediation can be very helpful, but it requires preparation and the right approach. If you need help getting ready for mediation or want advice about what to expect, contact Shaw Sanders, P.C. for a free consultation.
Our St. Charles, IL family law lawyer is a trained mediator with significant experience in family law. We focus on helping families resolve disputes through mediation when possible, but we are also willing to aggressively represent your interests in court when necessary. Call 630-584-5550 today for a free consultation about your case.
630-584-5550