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IL family lawThe holiday season has its own difficulties for everyone. For some, family parties and the amount of money being spent on gifts become their source of stress. While for others, December becomes breakup season. It is fairly common for couples to decide that divorce is best amidst the holidays. Due to the additional amount of time that couples spend with their families and each other, along with the financial pressures that the holidays can bring, divorce decisions are often made during or immediately following festivities. The idea of “new beginnings” can also spark a need for change. Breakups that occur during the holiday season can be difficult; however, those going through their first holiday season after a recent divorce often struggle the most.

Survival Tips

Whether you are considering divorce, are in the process of one, or have just come out on the other side, it is important to keep the following things in mind throughout the holidays:

  1. Validation: Many try to ignore their pain or sadness thinking that it is wrong to be depressed during a time when everyone else appears to be jolly. It is important to remember that your feelings are valid under such circumstances. The pain of divorce does not take a break just because Christmas is around the corner.
  2. Remember Your Children: In the midst of divorce, holidays often become irrelevant; however, those with children cannot cancel the holidays. While you may be lacking holiday cheer, it is important for your children’s lives to remain relatively similar as before. This includes the celebration of holidays as a family, whether or not this includes your ex.
  3. Create New Traditions: Continuing to celebrate with old traditions can cause old sentiments to resurface. Discontinuing old traditions and creating new ones is a good remedy, especially for those traditions that include your former spouse.
  4. Volunteer: Many families volunteer their time throughout the holidays whether they find themselves in a tough place or not. Volunteering is a great way to keep your mind off your own matters and also reminds you of the great things you have in life.

Contact a St. Charles, IL Divorce Attorney for Help

Deciding divorce is the correct path during the holidays can be difficult for all parties involved. It is important to have an experienced divorce attorney help you through this difficult time. At Shaw Family Law, P.C., we work with our clients to make the process as painless as possible. Contact our Kane County divorce attorneys for a free consultation at 630-584-5550.

 

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Illinois family lawyerThe short answer is yes, boys and girls generally react to their parents’ divorces in different ways. Like nearly every other question about divorce, though, a more accurate answer is that every case is different, and every child is different, so a parent cannot expect his or her child to react to his or her divorce in a specific way based solely on the child’s gender. Instead, a child’s gender can be used as a guideline to anticipate the way he or she might react to the divorce process and a way to understand why the child feels the way he or she does.

Your Child Is More than His or Her Gender

There are a lot of factors that can play a role in how your child will react to your divorce, such as:

  • Your child’s age;
  • Your child’s gender;
  • The circumstances of the divorce; and
  • Your child’s personality.

A study published in the Journal of Clinical Child Psychology found no difference between how adolescent boys and adolescent girls react to their parents’ divorces. This could be because in general, divorce has less of an impact on adolescents than it has on younger children.

In younger children, though, there are notable gender differences in how children react to divorce. Boys are more likely than girls to react to their parents’ divorces with anger and aggression. Girls might suppress their feelings and aim to please their parents and other adults around them. Some gender differences can be traced to how boys and girls are often socialized differently, while others are due to the realities that many divorcing families face. One of these realities is that often, mothers have larger shares of parenting time after divorces than fathers, which can foster stronger relationships between mothers and daughters and make it easier for girls to recover from the difficulty of divorce.

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Posted on in Divorce

Illinois divorce lawyer, Illinois family law attorneyJust about everything we hear regarding comparing our divorce to someone else’s is overwhelmingly unanimous - and understandably, accurate. Experts galore emphasize the dangers of comparing our own divorce experience to our friend’s, neighbor’s, or co-worker’s. After all, everyone’s circumstances are drastically different, on many accounts. From finances and settlements to motivators for the split and the portrait of post-divorce life, everyone has their own horror and success stories to share, and two portraits rarely ever look alike.

The Good that Can Come from Comparing Divorce Experiences

While it is true that many negative results can spring from comparing the end of our marriage to someone else’s, like the bolstering of unrealistic expectations and greater emotional turmoil, there are a few benefits to making comparisons that can actually help, not hinder us. It is all a matter of perspective. Before you shut yourself away from conversing with fellow divorcees and turn off the urge to compare your split to your neighbor’s, consider the following:

1. Comparing allows you to discover you are not alone - One positive advantage of comparing your experience and listening to the various accounts of divorce from others is that you quickly discover you are not alone in your difficulties. While it is never fun to see someone else in pain or to witness their struggles firsthand (as it can easily add to your own divorce anxieties), some comfort can be drawn from observing one major similarity: No matter the circumstances, everyone experiences unique obstacles, financial challenges, and emotional battles. Do not compare your experience in order to measure your divorce against another, but instead compare to gain insight and a fresh perspective on the loss you are grieving.

2. You have the opportunity to strengthen your support system - Therapists stress the importance of seeking out and building an emotional support system throughout the divorce process. A part of building such a support system often includes speaking to others who have been through what you are now going through. Discussing the experience with others and comparing their struggles to your own can help you relate and at the same time also strengthen the bonds you’ve made with those in your support network by building a sense of trust and safety.

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Posted on in Divorce

Illinois divorce attorney, Illinois family attorneyOf all the emotions that individuals face during divorce, stress is one of the most common. Some experience it from grief, others because of anger or resentment, and still some due to contentious situations. Regardless, all can manage their stress and improve their situation. Learn how with help from the following divorce coping strategies.

Accepting the Divorce

You do not have to like the divorce to accept it. In fact, few couples truly celebrate the process itself. After all, no one wants to hurt a person they once (or possibly still) love. Unfortunately, some relationships simply do not last. Begging, trying to get revenge, pleading, or bargaining is unlikely to change that. For some, not even therapy helps. So, if you and your spouse are on the path to divorce, the best thing you can do to start coping is to accept that change that is happening in your life.

Dealing with Your Feelings

During divorce, emotions can change and shift quickly, often from one extreme to another. You might be sad one moment, and then angry another. Understand that these highly charged emotions are normal, and they are a part of the grieving process. However, if you start to experience extreme depression, struggle to deal with daily activities (i.e. work, caring for children, etc.), you may want to consider seeking outside help from a therapist or support group.

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Illinois divorce attorney, Illinois family law attorneyFor many couples who decide to end their marriage, the idea of bouncing back after the split is a daunting one. Regardless of how long you and your spouse were together or whether or not the divorce was a peaceful, mutual decision, saying goodbye to the relationship is an emotional journey that unfolds over time. Much like other losses in life, divorce brings about its own form of grief, which naturally slows down the rebound process.

Studies Show You May See an Improvement in Mental and Physical Health after You Leave a Poor Marriage

Although everyone needs time to work through the aftermath of the separation, moving on is not an impossible feat, as much as it may feel like it in the midst of the divorce process. A research study from the Journal of Family Psychology shows that those who have poor marriages generally do better after the divorce, and the overall satisfaction of individuals who divorce depends greatly on their perception of the relationship during the marriage. For example, if you and your spouse were fighting constantly and you experienced ongoing arguments and bouts of depression as a result, chances are you are going to benefit from the separation and all it entails.

Kick-Starting Your Goal to Move On

While you cannot force the healing period that follows divorce, you can be on your way to feeling better sooner, rather than later, by practicing the following:

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b2ap3_thumbnail_divorce-filing.jpgMany couples must ponder the idea of whether or not there is truly a “right” time to divorce when faced with the decision to call it quits. Is there really such thing as a good time to break the sad news to friends and family? No one is ever truly prepared for the emotional toll that divorce entails, so it is completely understandable when a couple chooses to delay the decision. Some couples hold off with hopes for possible reconciliation, while others feel it may be best to stay together for the children.

Identifying Priorities

Whatever the personal circumstances surrounding your imminent separation, weighing various factors that may ultimately shape your divorce experience for better or worse before officially ending the marriage can be beneficial. Evaluating these factors can help you identify your priorities in the divorce process, which can help you decide the best time to make the jump.

Explore some of these key areas when looking at the timeline of your divorce:

1. Financial Standing

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