Tips for Having the “Divorce Talk” with Your Children
If you are a parent who has decided to end your marriage, announcing the divorce to your children may be the most dreaded part of the entire ordeal. You may be worried about how your children will react to the news or afraid that you will not have the answers to their many questions. You may also be concerned that your children will think that the split is somehow their fault. Unfortunately, there is no avoiding this important discussion. On the bright side, a tremendous amount of research has been conducted about how to help children cope with divorce. There are several things experts say you can do to make the divorce announcement go as smoothly as possible.
Include Both Parents in the Conversation
Understandably, you and your spouse may not be on the best terms right now. However, psychologists and other experts suggest telling the children about divorce together, if possible. When one parent announces the divorce in the other parent’s absence it can sometimes make the children feel as if they have to choose sides. Having the conversation as a whole family can help your children feel more secure. Explain that even though you and your spouse will no longer be living together, you will still love and care for the children just the same.
Avoid Oversharing Details About the Reasons for the Split
Children are naturally inquisitive. While it is important to remind children that their actions did not cause the divorce, be careful not to divulge too much information about why you have decided to split up. Talking about the reasons for the divorce can quickly lead to blame and accusations between the adults. Even if the divorce was largely caused by one spouse’s infidelity or other harmful behavior, telling the children too much adult information will only burden them.
Remind Children That Their Feelings Are Normal
Children can have a wide variety of reactions to the news of divorce. Some will pretend that everything is fine and act like they did not even hear what you said. Others will break down and cry or become angry and non-communicative. Some children, especially those who have been exposed to numerous parental arguments, may even feel a sense of relief. Remind your children that their feelings are valid. Answer their questions to the best of your ability and remind them that you are available if they want to talk or ask other questions in the future.
Contact a Kane County Divorce Lawyer
The practiced St. Charles family law attorneys at Shaw Family Law know just how difficult divorce with children can be. We are here to help you with all aspects of your divorce including child custody matters, child support, property division, and more. Call our office at 630-584-5550 and schedule a confidential consultation to discuss your needs today.